Monday, July 31, 2017

The Real Thing

"You hear them wheezing....
And always sneezing....
Their allergies always seem to be acting up...

Buying obcene things, closet dream queens
With a bucket list of cartoon characters they want to fuck...

But some of them blossom...
And turn out awesome....
Inflicting pain on all their school day bullies

Memories of playing possum....
While the tough guys tossed them
And now, laughing with drunk hookers in their jacuzzis

But then, there is the rest of them....
That let the beatings get the best of them
Rocking greasy hair and bodies built by Cheetos

Magic cards are their obession
Dungeon and dragons and wizard lessons
Dating blow up dolls to quench their libidos

I love to go nerd watching...
With my children...
At the local mall..."

P. Harker

“Here’s your change, sugar.”

“Umm…thanks.” The twenty something year woman responded, with hesitation.

   And when their hands came together, Harold, brushed his thumb against her palm, with a look that said, “You’re no Princess Leia…but, you’d do.”  She retorted with a quick,”Ewe..” and then made a bee line for the door, as quickly as possible.  “You come back anytime, sweet tits! I’ll be waiting for ya! Hee hee hee..”
   As soon as the door chime became silent, a shout came from a stack of Frito Lay boxes, that was blocking the middle aisle of this pathetic little gas and go that gathered dust in the Nevada sun.  “I don’t think she digs the bad boys, good buddy!” 

“Oh, she dug me alright. She’ll be back. You’ll see.”   
  Harold and Roy had been running the Silver Dollar Gas station ever since they had left high school, which was thirteen years prior, and other than Harolds brief stint in the U.S. Army, these two had been inseparable ever since. The rumors were that they were queer for each other, which was probably a little true, but these types of stories always seem to fester when you are living in the sticks, or in their case, rocks and sand. 

  Their love for each other was founded with the obsession of Stars Wars, and especially their lust for the princess herself.   They were one hundred percent geeks, true to form.  And when they watched their beloved Lucas films together, they ended the night with their beloved porn remakes, while addressing each other has Luke and Hans.  

   This was a tough year for these two nitwits due to the death of the aging actress that had created their fantasy, but, they kept on keeping on, in their strange little world. So, after a hard days work at the Silver Dollar, they would go to the back, undress, and create a ritualistic rubber love sandwich, for the princess. 

 They of course, were the bread because any other way would be gay and stuff. (At least in their heads) 

 Oh yes! They not only had a very large collection of dirty films, but dolls with cinnabons on the sides of their heads, as well, via the internet. And after their sexy, sexy, time with these inflatable girlfriends, they would sit in the darkness, while sweat trickled down their naked bodies and just wonder, what the real thing was actually like. 

“Hey man, when you were in the army, did you ever go to one of those whorehouses?” 
“I never told you this story, huh?” 
Roy perked up, “What story? Have you been holding out on me, or something?” 
“About the whore I experienced…pretty little thing.” 
“Tell me, man! What happened?” 
“Well, the boys talked me into going to one of those places, but I was really nervous. When she climbed on top of me…I…you know…couldn’t. So, she told me if I gave her some more money, I could take my time. So, we started talking, right.  And as soon as I mentioned Star Wars, she got excited and claimed that those were her favorite movies. Well, you know. That kind of did it for me. I was ready.”  Harold paused and then started to giggle to himself.

 “What’s so Funny?”
“Well, so there we were, fucking away and all…and I was just about to cum…but then.”  Harolds giggle suddenly turned into a belly laugh. 
“What happened?” 
“She yelled out…Beam Me Up, Scotty!” 

   Roy suddenly stood up, naked as a jail bird and anger in his eyes.  “She said what?” 
“I know! I was so pissed! I knocked that gook bitches teeth out!” Harold was in tears now…but then he continued. 
“Unfortunately though, the Army caught wind of this, and kicked me out. I thought I told you this story, Roy?”
“No man, I would remember this one. So, how was it though…you know…it.” 
“The pussy felt great, but what was attached to it talked too much, and kinda smelled funny. You are not missing anything.”
   Roy sat down, and lowered his head to the unswept floor.  “Yea, I would still like to try it, though.”  

  Harold then put his two big meaty hands on his friends shoulders, and began massaging.  And after a few minutes of comforting his friend, he whispered in Roys ear.
“Don’t worry. You will buddy. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Thanks man. I better get going home before Ma starts worrying. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  “Alright, Roy. I’ll hold the fort down as always.” 
   Roy was still living with his mother, in a trailer park, five miles down the interstate. His good buddy Harold though, had been camped out back in his van for the last two years. He had a little incident with his landlords head and a baseball bat. So, living here seemed to be better for his life style, and better yet, it kept the cops away. 
   Roy waved his last goodbye while pulling out of the parking lot, nearly hitting a car pulling in. The driver was a woman, and probably on some kind of road trip of some kind, judging from the California plates.  “Watch it! You fucking moron! She screamed as they passed. 
“Fuck you, bitch!”

    This would have normally upset Roy, but he seemed to have been in a calmer mood. He figured it probably had to do with the little sex doll party he had just participated in, and of course, his friends comforting hands. This always had made him feel better.  “One day.” He thought to himself .
   The next day was uneventful as the one before that. Harold ran the register, while his best friend stocked the shelves and kept inventory on the potato chips that no one ever bought.   And has the day crept on, and the customers slowed down to almost no one, Harold helped himself to a beef stick and gave a Roy a shout.  “Roy! Yo buddy. Isn’t your birthday coming up?”  Roy stuck his head out from the back room and responded, “Umm…no.”  “Well, that’s too bad because I got you something. I guess you don’t want it. Never mind.”

   Roy walked up with his stupid grin.  “What you git me?”  Harold stood there, chomping on the beef stick, smiling like a gator, and then spoke.  “The real thing bro, just what you wanted. I got you the real thing, and tonight, we will make it better.”  

  Dusk was setting in on the Silver Dollar, but closing time was still another five hours away. Harold had promised that he would give him his present, but they had to wait until it was safe. And finally after watching Roy pace up a down the aisle like an excited child on Christmas Eve, Harold gave in and closed up shop an hour early.   And so, they headed out back, to the van.  
   The latch to the back of Harolds house on wheels turned, and when the door swung open, all she could see were two silhouettes, standing there in silence.  She was barely conscience.   Her head was still sore from the beating she had received from Harold the night before. She had needed gas and better yet a phone to contact her family, since she had been running late. And when she saw the light was still on, inside the Silver Dollar, she decided to take a chance. She was nearly killed though when she had turned into the parking lot by some loser in a brown Chevy, which should have been a good enough omen to change her mind and keep on heading down the interstate, for somewhere a little less creepy. But, here she was, bound, gagged, and with two cinnabons duct taped to the sides of her head. 

   Roy was dumbfounded, but the blood that was quickly traveling to his crotch, made him go with his instinct. The darker instinct that he had kept under control, all of these years. So, he crawled inside the van, while Harold watched from the dark, smiling and erect.
Harold spoke, “Well, Luke, what are you waiting for? Fuck your sister.”
And this was the beginning of their addiction. They finally had the real thing, but to continue, they had to do one more thing, to make it better.

 Harold took out his pocket knife and handed it to his smiling friend.

Monday, July 24, 2017

My Name is Revenge

The first time I seen her, she was sitting on a hill....
Locking in on her sights, getting ready for a kill...
She said, "Hey boy, get ready for attack." Cause, we gotta him em hard, and we gotta hit em fast.

The second time I seen her, she was crossing the border....
Armed to the teeth, with her kill orders.

She said, " Hey boy, get ready for attack.". Cause, we gotta him em hard, and we gotta him em fast.

The third time I seen her, she was hanging at a party....
She did a shot of whiskey while stepping over dead bodies....
She said, " Hey boy, get ready for attack.". Cause, we gotta him em hard, and we gotta him em fast.

The fourth time I seen her, climbing out a window....
Duffle bag in her hand, going the way the wind blows....
She said, "Hey boy, get ready for attack."Cause we got to him them hard, and we got to hit them fast

The fifth time I seen her, running down an alley.....
A cop on her tale, named Officer O'Mally
She said, "Hey boy, get ready for a attack ".
Because we got to hit them hard, and we got to hit them fast.

The 6th time I seen her, the cop was fighting for his life....
She broke the pigs neck and then disappeared into the night.....
She said, "Hey boy, get ready for attack."

Because we got to hit them hard and we got to hit them fast.

Down came the walls...
Nothing is going to stop her, now...
Prettiest thing I ever saw...

And if you see her, walk on by...

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Home Town


 A young man slouched in his chair...


The first period bell rang, he wished he didn't have to be there

Over the P.A., his principal sang a good morning to his nightmare

As the girl in front of him, shuffled through her bag for her compact mirror

Young in mind, and doing time through the public school system

Criticized for not being hypnotized, his teachers would diss him

A worksheet had found him, that had traveled from the front

Questioning his future, he read the bold headed font, it said....

After you graduate, what do you want.....

To do with you life?

A fancy car, a career, a trophy wife?


He paused and thought...

And then with a grin....

He put down his pencil and picked up his pen

Because he knew he could write with out making mistakes

And that, he could use this as an excuse when his teacher

Would demand that he rewrite after he erased

And so he wrote and scribbled his rebellious note

That would get him detention, before his parents wringed  his throat


And when he finished, the class came to an end

He picked up his books, and began to descend

Passed the teachers desk and to the front door

As sneakers and sandals scuffed up the well polished floor  

He handed in his paper getting ready for the attack

And that's when his teacher stopped him and asked....

And he replied, to be as far away from here as possible

And never come back.

Through the eyes of nonconformity, his soul wanted to drown

He had a deformity that needed to escape this town

And the rest of the crowd, that would just shoot off their mouths

At football games, barbecues, drunken parking lot boxing bouts

Blue collar slobs, and shitting sports bars

Two dollar hand jobs from grade C strippers, treated like rock stars

Debt collectors and authority figure child molesters

Preying on the weak and failed methamphetamine inventors

Hanging with guys clearly older than he was

Slinging burgers and fries, and smoking weed at the back of the bus

There was no need to discuss, in what this boy wanted

Dead hero's and low life zeros is what this town flaunted

So, the moral of this story is that there is so much more....

Than settling for a shitty pay check, and another jaunt to the liquor store....



Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Know Your Place

 All was well, on the green hill..... A flock of sheep grazed, life seemed to stand still....
  Day in and day out, all was happy amongst the herd.... But one, was bored, felt cornered, and answers were blurred...

 It spoke to the sheep dog about life down below... Deep in the valley, where the dark trees grow....
  In the land of the shadows, where blood spills daily, the wolves and wild dogs behave insanely
Logic they consider bravery, but just outlandish inhumanely, viewing death mundanely, and for us its just profanely unsavory, and just too crazy!

 And that's why I watch over you, day in and day out....
Guarding your flock, as you happily graze and fuck about....
You view me as an annoyance, but if I wasn't here, the predators from below would happily appear....
The sheep became curious and ignored the dogs warning, and was found torn up and gutted the following morning...

  Most of us, give up our existence for a life of slavery and pain...
Giving up on trying and persistence for pushing buttons, making mistakes over again...
Some of us, hold the gate from barbarians and killers ...
Hated by the button pushers, but called on for assistance, for crumbling pillars ...
A few of us, make the rules and keep the cycle of life turning.... 
From newborns and mothers yearning, to lemon aide stands in cities burning
  The ones with the war chromazone, can survive the night alone ....
And for the rest....
Welcome to the terror zone....

  Alone and terrified on the back streets, where the killers sleep, while widows weep, piano wire in hands waiting for another black sheep....
  It's gonna be a chance meet after a little track meet.... Gonna squeeze you so hard I am gonna make your ass squeak......

 Monsters in the thick fog, pull you in the wet bog.....
Beat your face in with a rotted log, and cue you like a juicy hog
King of the terror squad, eat your ass like a bulldog...
All the polliwogs must give their life to the bullfrog...
Murder, murder, murder, kill, kill, kill...

   It’s such a thrill, chopping, as the pigs squeals ....Is this a dream or is this for real?
My cold steel is hungry for another kill....
  In like a lion and out like a lamb, the extension of my hand will greet you like the Son of Sam...
  I’m an evil man that likes chainsaws and mossberg saw offs....
   Breaking laws for applause, your last laugh will be a blood cough....

   Part of me is frowning and the otherside is smiling, as I cross the great divide with my punk rock styling....

   I shot the devil in the crapper and laughed at the brain matter....

   The last man standing with a gun acting dumb..... One last hooray nasty off the Puerto Rican rum.... All the beasts, creep away from the the rising sun.....
Howling in the darkness, just for fun....

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Wise One of Japan (Part Six)

Landor- What information do you have for me sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- We had found the humans identity card and it seems she is from Dashito, which is only two hours north of here. She is also married with one female child, and her husband is not of the Japanese species. It seems he is from America sir. But we have yet to find out his identity at this time.

Landor- Hmm, interesting. And you say that this town is only two hours away, sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- Yes sir. Why, do you have something in mind sir?

Landor- Yes sergeant I do, but before I tell you, I want to ask you something. How long have you served in the Neaitan army Sergeant Foni?

Sergeant Foni- I have proudly served in this army for the past eight years, sir. Why do you ask?

Landor- That’s good sergeant, it seems that you’re an experienced soldier wanting to make a career for himself, would this be correct sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- Yes sir, it is my dream to become a commander in this great army sir.

Landor- Well then sergeant, I believe opportunity is shining down upon you today. I am sure you would agree with me in what had happened today was rare and unexpected. And if the information that one female human had managed to kill two Neaitan soldiers gets to the public, a rebellion might ensue. And if this happens, not only will this not be good for the Neaitans involvement with this miserable planet, but our employment as well. But if, we manage to stop any inspiration in challenging this great army of ours, by making an example out of someone or something, we will not only be helping our fellow Neaitans but our careers as well. Do you understand what I am getting at sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- Yes sir, I believe I do. What did you have in mind sir?

Landor- After your men clean up this mess, I want your squad to go to this town of Dashito and flex your muscles a bit. I want you to show these people who are in charge and if anyone gets in your way, cut them down. It’s as simple as that, and when you and your men return, I will make sir to report this act of loyalty to the proper officials. And this will get you closer to your dream Sergeant Foni. Do you understand everything that I said Sergeant Foni?

Sergeant Foni- Yes sir, I understand completely sir. And I would like to thank for this rare opportunity sir. You can trust me sir, I will not let you down.

Landor- I hope you don’t sergeant or you will be facing the same fate as your old squad leader. You’re dismissed.

  The chaos had found him again. Patrick had actually believed that he could hide from his past, but as he sat on the bench he and Mao had shared for the past three years, he accepted his fate. He knew who he truly was and what he truly excelled at, and this was the art of killing. He knew this was his destiny, even though for some time now he had thought he could actually change his, but he knew he had been living a lie.

But this lie had brought him a happiness that he refused to give up. A happiness that he had never realized he could ever achieve on his own. And this is what he would fight for.

  Before he would only kill for the sake of his officials orders, which he had the capability of doing without the slightest feeling of emotion, as if his body was actually connected to the blade that would puncture his enemies heart. He had been trained to be a weapon that could open up the chest cavity of stranger, in some unknown foreign land, for some unknown reason, without feeling.

Don’t think, just attack and kill, it’s as simple as that, no questions asked.

  That was the philosophy that was burned inside him. But this time it was different. This was personal. They took away the one person that understood him and kept him sane. The one person that had pulled him out of his hell, he had called his life. And as a tear ran down his left cheek, he made a vow to himself that no matter what, Mao’s death would not be in vain. But then he thought about his daughter Mally. What would happen to her because of her fathers’ vengeful spirit? How long would she have to live her life looking over her shoulder, from some Neaitan looking to collect a debt? For her safety, she would have to disappear, even if this meant being separated from her father. This was a tragic decision for him to make because he had loved her dearly, but it had to be done because he knew the enemy was coming, and without the slightest idea that they were the lambs heading straight into the lions den. And after this foreign enemy’s officials realized who had licked the bones dry of their fallen soldiers, more would come looking for the mysterious American that resided in the small town of Dashito.


Shoji- Takashi san, we are ready whenever you need us.

Takashi- That’s good to know. Has the women and children been evacuated yet?

Shoji- We had the small children leave with the elderly, but most of the women wanted to stay and help out. So right now, we are looking at about a hundred volunteers. Has Patrick san informed you yet in what he has in mind for us to do?

Takashi- No, not yet, He has just been staring off into space for the past twenty minutes now. I figured I’d give him a couple more minutes. It’s a shame about Mao. I can’t believe she’s dead.

Shoji- Yes, it is too bad that we had lost such a great woman as Mao. She was a very nice lady. She will be missed. But, we should start planning in what we are going to do because this town will not accept any more losses. So please, go and talk to your friend.

Takashi- Yes, you’re right. I will go and see what he has planned, and as soon as I know something, you will be the first to know.

Shoji- Thank you.

   Takashi slowly made his way over to his friend while thinking about how just the day before they had been joking about this actual event. Takashi was beginning to feel a little ashamed of himself for making light of the situation and the insensitive things he had said to his friend. But then he stopped himself from feeling guilty because how could he have known that this would actually happen, and on top of that, they had always been insensitive to each other,anyway. It wasn’t anything mean spirited, it was just how they joked with each other. But then again, no one had actually died before. Takashi was confused.

 He didn’t know if he should apologize or just move on as if nothing had ever been said. This was one of the qualities he disliked about himself. He always felt guilty about everyone around him. He always thought that he wasn’t as good of a person as he ought to be. Maybe this was just part of his Japanese upbringing or just some strange chemical imbalance inside of him, but whatever it was, he didn’t like it. And as he made his final steps to his friend, he realized that Patrick was motioning him to stop.

Patrick- Hold up.

Takashi- What?

Right then Takashi noticed a dog sitting to the left of his friend, but then scurried off behind the apartment complex in where Patrick had been living.

Patrick- Dude, you scared it away!

Takashi- Umm, okay sorry?

Patrick- Whose dog is that?

Takashi- I think it belongs to some old lady down the street. Why?

Patrick- I was thinking about getting Mally a dog when she gets older. Do you think she would like a dog like that?

Takashi- Umm, maybe. Are you okay?

Patrick- Why do you ask?

Takashi- Well, because not only was your wife killed today, but there is a strong possibility that there will be Neaitan soldiers visiting our town soon, and you’re talking about what dog you should get your kid. I am just worried about you, that’s all.

Patrick- Well, I appreciate your concern Takashi. You’re a good friend. And yes, I’m a total wreck right now, but don’t worry about the Neaitans because I have got a plan to catch them with their pants down.

Takashi- To catch them? Do you mean we are going to set a trap? How?

Patrick- Oh Takashi, look at our surroundings. We are sitting right in the middle of the trap right now. Do remember my peanut butter story?

Takashi- Yea?

Patrick- And do you remember the moral of the story?

Takashi- Oh, about thinking outside the box, right?

Patrick- Right.

Takashi- (Pause) I don’t understand.

Patrick- Don’t worry, I will explain everything to you and the crew. Now, let’s get to work. We don’t have a lot of time.

 Sergeant Foni was ecstatic. Not only was he finally promoted to squad leader but the possibility of him becoming an officer was mind boggling! He had fantasized about this opportunity ever since joining the Neaitan army eight long years ago, but now his dreamed was becoming a reality, even though he had been doubted by his fellow soldiers, regarding his skills at being a leader.

And for a while, he had actually questioned his capabilities at being a top soldier, but this was all in the past because he was now sitting proudly in the lead vehicle of the convoy of soldiers heading for Dashito, locked, stocked, and ready for battle.

Sergeant Foni- Driver, how long before we reach Dashito?

Driver- We’re about an hour outside of town, sergeant? Why?

Sergeant Foni- Well, I was thinking about pulling over, so I can lay out our plan of attack, with the men.

Driver- No problem sergeant, but we might get stuck in this soft ground here, so we should wait until we get up on the pavement again. Are you okay with that sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- Yes, no problem. We can’t afford any more setbacks today, can we driver?

Driver- No we can’t sergeant. Sergeant Foni, there seems to be a human on the side of the road up ahead. Shall I run him over?

Sergeant Foni- No, leave him alone driver. He is no threat to us; he is only a simple farmer. We have bigger fish to fry in Dashito.

And as the convoy of Neaitans roared down the dirt road, the innocent looking Japanese man on the bicycle pulled out a cell phone and called the awaiting army in Dashito.

Patrick- Okay, what do you got for me?

Takashi- Well, I had managed to scrape up about a hundred people. Oh, and you will like this, around thirty of them are from a local archery school, and another twenty or so, are local police, so we will have access to their weapons.

Patrick- Hmm, sounds good. And the rest?

Takashi- Well, the rest are local farmers and wives the wanted to stay and help.

Patrick- Good work. I just got word that they are about 40 minutes outside of town. So, we need to get everyone in position.

Takashi- All right, I ‘m on it.

 The plan was simple. Sergeant Foni wanted to roll into the middle of town, as if they were going to have a normal specimen check point. And as soon as the humans lined up with their identification, as they always did without any hassle, the Neaitans would gun them down and leave the dead bodies to be found by the neighboring communities. This would be a message to the humans that the Neaitans were the masters, and that they would strike down fatally against any opposition that stood in their way.

 And as the convoy of trucks pulled into town, Sergeant Foni was gleaming with excitement. He imagined himself at the awards ceremony, accepting his new founded glory, as the audience roared with admiration. And as a commanding officer pinned a medal of bravery on Sergeant Foni’s lapel, the Neaitan driver rudely interrupted the fantasy.

Driver- Sergeant Foni, there doesn’t seem to be anybody here. Does this seem strange to you, sergeant?

Sergeant Foni- They are probably all inside doing whatever humans do at this time of day. Don’t worry driver. The center of town is just up ahead. I want you to pull over there and turn the loud speakers on. It looks like we are going to have to interrupt this towns midday nap. Oh, these humans are such a lazy unproductive race.

Driver- Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more, Sergeant Foni.

And as the convoy came to a stop, Sergeant Foni hopped out of the passenger door with a microphone in his hand, and began to address the town of Dashito that their master as arrived and that it would behoove them to obey.

Sergeant Foni- Inhabitants of Dashito, this is Sergeant Foni of the Neaitan Army. There will be a Specimen Checkpoint beginning in twenty minutes at the center of town. Please bring your proper identification and line up behind our vehicles. This is mandatory, so for those of you that do not choose to attend, you will be arrested...

I repeat… Inhabitants of Dashito, this is Sergeant Foni of the Neaitan Army. There will be a Specimen Checkpoint beginning in twenty minutes at the center of town. Please bring your proper identification and line up behind our vehicles. This is mandatory, so for those of you that do not choose to attend, you will be arrested.

And as Sergeant Foni repeatedly addressed the town of Dashito, the squad of soldiers climbed out of their vehicles and began preparation for the check point, by setting their weapons on full auto.

Sergeant Foni waited patiently by the side of his vehicle for a response, but was only given back the sounds of rustling leaves, and birds singing in the distance. And at this time, he began to take in his surroundings and had realized that he and his squad were boxed inside the surrounding office buildings and apartment complexes that encircled them.

He thought to himself, “What should I do?” No one was responding and his men were staring at him, waiting for their orders. So, Sergeant Foni deciding to give it one last shot with his microphone, and if this didn’t work, he would order his men to start kicking in doors. And as he began his last attempt on the Neaitan loud speaker that was connecting to the top of his vehicle, Patrick, Takashi, and a Japanese boy, no older than sixteen, watched from the top of a building, a thousand feet adjacent from the Neaitan soldiers.

Patrick- This guy is too much. Takashi, I think it’s time for our little friend here to earn his days pay. I want you to tell him to put an arrow through that morons head.

Takashi- No problem.

Takashi gave the order in Japanese to the teenager, whose sister had been taken by the Neaitans, in America, six months prior. And without hesitation, the boy nodded to Takashi and pulled an arrow back in his bow, and shot it in the Neaitans direction.

Sergeant Foni- People of Dashito, this is your last.....


I Was A Teenage Wanna Be Racist

   Just the other day, the conversation of fascism came up around the water cooler at work. My co-worker was ranting and raving about his ...