Monday, July 31, 2017

The Real Thing

"You hear them wheezing....
And always sneezing....
Their allergies always seem to be acting up...

Buying obcene things, closet dream queens
With a bucket list of cartoon characters they want to fuck...

But some of them blossom...
And turn out awesome....
Inflicting pain on all their school day bullies

Memories of playing possum....
While the tough guys tossed them
And now, laughing with drunk hookers in their jacuzzis

But then, there is the rest of them....
That let the beatings get the best of them
Rocking greasy hair and bodies built by Cheetos

Magic cards are their obession
Dungeon and dragons and wizard lessons
Dating blow up dolls to quench their libidos

I love to go nerd watching...
With my children...
At the local mall..."

P. Harker

“Here’s your change, sugar.”

“Umm…thanks.” The twenty something year woman responded, with hesitation.

   And when their hands came together, Harold, brushed his thumb against her palm, with a look that said, “You’re no Princess Leia…but, you’d do.”  She retorted with a quick,”Ewe..” and then made a bee line for the door, as quickly as possible.  “You come back anytime, sweet tits! I’ll be waiting for ya! Hee hee hee..”
   As soon as the door chime became silent, a shout came from a stack of Frito Lay boxes, that was blocking the middle aisle of this pathetic little gas and go that gathered dust in the Nevada sun.  “I don’t think she digs the bad boys, good buddy!” 

“Oh, she dug me alright. She’ll be back. You’ll see.”   
  Harold and Roy had been running the Silver Dollar Gas station ever since they had left high school, which was thirteen years prior, and other than Harolds brief stint in the U.S. Army, these two had been inseparable ever since. The rumors were that they were queer for each other, which was probably a little true, but these types of stories always seem to fester when you are living in the sticks, or in their case, rocks and sand. 

  Their love for each other was founded with the obsession of Stars Wars, and especially their lust for the princess herself.   They were one hundred percent geeks, true to form.  And when they watched their beloved Lucas films together, they ended the night with their beloved porn remakes, while addressing each other has Luke and Hans.  

   This was a tough year for these two nitwits due to the death of the aging actress that had created their fantasy, but, they kept on keeping on, in their strange little world. So, after a hard days work at the Silver Dollar, they would go to the back, undress, and create a ritualistic rubber love sandwich, for the princess. 

 They of course, were the bread because any other way would be gay and stuff. (At least in their heads) 

 Oh yes! They not only had a very large collection of dirty films, but dolls with cinnabons on the sides of their heads, as well, via the internet. And after their sexy, sexy, time with these inflatable girlfriends, they would sit in the darkness, while sweat trickled down their naked bodies and just wonder, what the real thing was actually like. 

“Hey man, when you were in the army, did you ever go to one of those whorehouses?” 
“I never told you this story, huh?” 
Roy perked up, “What story? Have you been holding out on me, or something?” 
“About the whore I experienced…pretty little thing.” 
“Tell me, man! What happened?” 
“Well, the boys talked me into going to one of those places, but I was really nervous. When she climbed on top of me…I…you know…couldn’t. So, she told me if I gave her some more money, I could take my time. So, we started talking, right.  And as soon as I mentioned Star Wars, she got excited and claimed that those were her favorite movies. Well, you know. That kind of did it for me. I was ready.”  Harold paused and then started to giggle to himself.

 “What’s so Funny?”
“Well, so there we were, fucking away and all…and I was just about to cum…but then.”  Harolds giggle suddenly turned into a belly laugh. 
“What happened?” 
“She yelled out…Beam Me Up, Scotty!” 

   Roy suddenly stood up, naked as a jail bird and anger in his eyes.  “She said what?” 
“I know! I was so pissed! I knocked that gook bitches teeth out!” Harold was in tears now…but then he continued. 
“Unfortunately though, the Army caught wind of this, and kicked me out. I thought I told you this story, Roy?”
“No man, I would remember this one. So, how was it though…you know…it.” 
“The pussy felt great, but what was attached to it talked too much, and kinda smelled funny. You are not missing anything.”
   Roy sat down, and lowered his head to the unswept floor.  “Yea, I would still like to try it, though.”  

  Harold then put his two big meaty hands on his friends shoulders, and began massaging.  And after a few minutes of comforting his friend, he whispered in Roys ear.
“Don’t worry. You will buddy. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Thanks man. I better get going home before Ma starts worrying. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  “Alright, Roy. I’ll hold the fort down as always.” 
   Roy was still living with his mother, in a trailer park, five miles down the interstate. His good buddy Harold though, had been camped out back in his van for the last two years. He had a little incident with his landlords head and a baseball bat. So, living here seemed to be better for his life style, and better yet, it kept the cops away. 
   Roy waved his last goodbye while pulling out of the parking lot, nearly hitting a car pulling in. The driver was a woman, and probably on some kind of road trip of some kind, judging from the California plates.  “Watch it! You fucking moron! She screamed as they passed. 
“Fuck you, bitch!”

    This would have normally upset Roy, but he seemed to have been in a calmer mood. He figured it probably had to do with the little sex doll party he had just participated in, and of course, his friends comforting hands. This always had made him feel better.  “One day.” He thought to himself .
   The next day was uneventful as the one before that. Harold ran the register, while his best friend stocked the shelves and kept inventory on the potato chips that no one ever bought.   And has the day crept on, and the customers slowed down to almost no one, Harold helped himself to a beef stick and gave a Roy a shout.  “Roy! Yo buddy. Isn’t your birthday coming up?”  Roy stuck his head out from the back room and responded, “Umm…no.”  “Well, that’s too bad because I got you something. I guess you don’t want it. Never mind.”

   Roy walked up with his stupid grin.  “What you git me?”  Harold stood there, chomping on the beef stick, smiling like a gator, and then spoke.  “The real thing bro, just what you wanted. I got you the real thing, and tonight, we will make it better.”  

  Dusk was setting in on the Silver Dollar, but closing time was still another five hours away. Harold had promised that he would give him his present, but they had to wait until it was safe. And finally after watching Roy pace up a down the aisle like an excited child on Christmas Eve, Harold gave in and closed up shop an hour early.   And so, they headed out back, to the van.  
   The latch to the back of Harolds house on wheels turned, and when the door swung open, all she could see were two silhouettes, standing there in silence.  She was barely conscience.   Her head was still sore from the beating she had received from Harold the night before. She had needed gas and better yet a phone to contact her family, since she had been running late. And when she saw the light was still on, inside the Silver Dollar, she decided to take a chance. She was nearly killed though when she had turned into the parking lot by some loser in a brown Chevy, which should have been a good enough omen to change her mind and keep on heading down the interstate, for somewhere a little less creepy. But, here she was, bound, gagged, and with two cinnabons duct taped to the sides of her head. 

   Roy was dumbfounded, but the blood that was quickly traveling to his crotch, made him go with his instinct. The darker instinct that he had kept under control, all of these years. So, he crawled inside the van, while Harold watched from the dark, smiling and erect.
Harold spoke, “Well, Luke, what are you waiting for? Fuck your sister.”
And this was the beginning of their addiction. They finally had the real thing, but to continue, they had to do one more thing, to make it better.

 Harold took out his pocket knife and handed it to his smiling friend.

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